Qwark Goes to Hell
by Superweapon458
Summary: A YouTube Poop turned fanfiction. It was a fan made TouTube Poop I started years ago and here it is. Qwark goes to Hell as Ratchet and Clank are joining him on his adventure as its also a love story too.
1. Kerwan goes to Hell

Qwark goes to Hell

Chapter 1: Kerwan goes to Hell

It all started on planet Kerwan in Metropolis after a long day when the Nethers went back to the dimension thanks to Ratchet & Clank as the Prog twins went to jail (this takes place after Ratchet & Clank: Into the Nexus if it were two years ago or something), as Qwark was enjoying his life as a fine celebrity until there was time he needed to relax himself away at his apartment as he was there watching his favorite TV sitcom of something that is a stupid love drama that I can't remember what its called. As soon Qwark answered his phone after it was ringing. "Hello" Qwark said while sitting on his sofa couch while eating popcorn and waiting to get what he was ordering, "Your pizzas are coming just wait here the ride is coming up" said the guy on the phone "Qwarktastic, I love my pepperoni! I cannot wait!" Qwark giggled with excitement, but as he was watching his Tv he was just as happy as he almost misses being on adventures with Ratchet and his friend Clank. But he hears his doorbell ring and finds something is ready "That must be the pizza I ordered" he said as he ran over to the door with excitement and joy as then he opens the door he finds some man (but he is actually an alien) as he has horns smiling with an evil glare at Qwark as he pies Qwark in the face and smacks him with it "Can't beat the classics! But you don't get your pizza but how about a pizza pie?!" as he laughs evilly at him as he tosses another pizza pie at him again. Qwark was just annoyed as what he saw and says "That was quite rude of him but funny, as long as that doesn't happen to me again." but instead of another pie tossed at him again he gets a pizza tossed at him as Qwark says "That'll give me bad zits later..." soon thereafter he slams the door and continues watching Tv after he wipes the pie out of his face because he won't be able to see his show with pie crumbs and stuff in his face.

Then while he is watching his drama show he is getting another doorbell rang as soon as he answered he says "That better be that pizza I delivered" as he answered he sees Helga (his fitness trainer) "Guten Tag" Helga says as she there to see him, "Helga... What brings you here? Is it exercise day?" Qwark says confused, "Nein, not today. But you're going to get some today, we got crazy little horned men running around with wings and tails carrying pointy sticks" Helga says as she points out the window as she shows him that they are aimlessly attacking and invading Kerwan the planet home to Metropolis.

Qwark ends up freaking out as he finds an army of devils flying around sees a giant three headed demon with spikes on its head as its also chewing up flying space cars and Qwark prepares as he is ready to get into action and says "Its time to get going! I'll go to the Planetary Defense Centre" as soon as he finishes his line he gets a pie tossed at his face from out of nowhere offscreen as there is even laughter out of nowhere "Lets just head down to there and prepare a Taxi cruiser" he says muffled with a pie in his face "Ja" Helga says as they go out of Qwark's apartment.


	2. Ratchet and Talwyn on the Beach

Qwark goes to Hell

Chapter 2: Ratchet and Talwyn on the Beach

Meanwhile Ratchet was just on Jowai Resort as he was on Planet Pokitaru as he was dressed in his swimsuit trunks or dressed like Old Skool Ratchet (vacation suit or his original PS2 outfit), was with Clank on the beach he was also with Talwyn Apogee. As Ratchet set up the relaxing seats on the beach he sat back and as Clank was making a sandcastle of Zoni and Clank he was chuckling "Ah...Well Clank, I guess looking for the Lombaxes are just now more of nothing to this point but might as well just enjoy the time as the heroes we are and just take a break now" Ratchet said as he was putting on sunscreen "Indeed" Clank said happily. And when they are just having their times to themselves, Ratchet's girlfriend Talwyn walks out as she steps on Clanks sandcastles with her sandals as she was dressed in a red bikini as it shows her breasts and everything.

"Hi there..." Talwyn says as she sits next to Ratchet and they hold hands and Clank just looks away and sits back on his seat. While they are realxing on Pokitaru a small group of Zoni appear nearby and warns Clank "Sire... It is urgent! They are here!" The Zoni say as they show Clank an attack on Kerwan as there are the devils who just cause mayhem, "Ratchet wake up" as Clank alarms Ratchet, "What is it pal?" Ratchet says as he looks at the view as well as he sees hell has gone loose, "No way... Kerwan is under attack!?" Ratchet says waking up fully as he wakes up Talwyan, "Ratchet? What's the matter?" she says as he is warned by the Zoni.

"Kerwan is under attack" Ratchet says as he gets a call from Qwark. "Ratchet, Clank... Where are you two? Sorry to interrupt you on your vacation off on Jowai Resort... but Kerwan is under attack!" Qwark said fearing around in panic "Qwark we know, we're on our way" Ratchet said, "Wait... Metropolis is being invaded by demons!? How!?" Talwyn said Ratchet, Talwyn and Clank headed off to Aphelion and Qwark on the screen saw Talwyn and then said "Before you guys get there, can you stand still for a second" as he took a picture of Talwyn in her bikini without her knowing it as she said "Why were you asking me to hold still?" and then Qwark said "Oh nothing, just needed a good pic" as Talwyn gets annoyed with that. As the three get into their pilot suits (default outfits) they get into the ship onto Kerwan.


	3. Hellbound Dogfight IN SPACE

Qwark goes to Hell

Chapter 3: Hellbound Dogfight... IN SPACE

On their way to Kerwan they have a huge outer space battle where demons ambushed them and Clank hopped abord the turret and made sure they don't attack from behind while Ratchet uses the blasters and gets ready. "Heheh... time for some action" Ratchet said as he had the handles to fire the lasers "Time to blow them to..." Talwyn said as the last sentence was cut off by the explosion caused by Clank as he destroyed a demon as it explodes into fiery dust as they valiantly fight there way through the hordes they were successfully there as they hear loud shrilling laughter as it sounds ghostly and demonic as they encountered a giant demon head with giant swirly eyes and a high squeaky voice and had a long pointy nose and breathed fire and he laughed saying "I'm going to eat you all as I'LL FEAST UPON YOUR EYEBALLS!" as Ratchet and Talwyn were disturbed what he said and can't stand his voice.

"I cannot make up a word this entity is saying" Clank said as he prepares to shoot him on the turret but is taking little damage and then the giant Devil yells in his high squeaky voice "YOUR MOTHER SUC" as his sentence is curt off by Ratchet as he uses the missile launchers on him and knocks his front teeth out as this makes him angry as he is about to use a laser beam from his eyes and attempt to blast them out into space garbage but Ratchet stops him but shooting him in his eyes and blinding the giant head as he yells "WHAT!? WHY DON'T I HAVE ANY HANDS!?" as Ratchet shoots him in the mouth with the multiple missiles and Talwyn yells "Blow him the-" as explosions come out the demon head's mouth.

When the Aphelion starts repeatedly blasting the Demon Head the head can't take anymore as he was on his last health getting ready to die yelling "GAAAHH... SON OF A BAAGG-" as he explodes into flaming gas and turns to dust and all there is, is nothingness as Ratchet said "Yeah! We're on fire!" as he shouted in victory, then the heroes head down to Kerwan.


	4. Unholy Invasion on Kerwan

Qwark goes to Hell

Chapter 4: Unholy Invasion on Kerwan

As soon as Ratchet, Clank and Talwyn get onto Kerwan the notice that instead of heavily armed robot commondos there are fiery red and blue devils flying around and insanely laughing. Ratchet pulled out his Wrench as Talwyn pulls out her pistol as they shot and took down a few devils. "We have to find Captain Qwark. Where could he be?" Clank said "He has to be okay... I know he is! But first we have to take care of this wave." Ratchet said as he smacked a demon in the face with his wrench as he uses the Glove of Doom and tosses out his kamikaze agents as he summons Mr Zurkon and then takes out his Warmonger and blasts 3 flying devils as they plummeted down and crashed on their faces. Ratchet, Clank and Talwyn make there way there as they are on the flying train as they catch it they encounter flying demons as they had attacks as they can breath fire, toss spears and fly as Ratchet took the Plasma Striker and struct them out of the sky as Mr Zurkon says "Rotten Devils are the scum of the world, is the exorcism!" as the little robot minion starts helping out Ratchet.

On action Ratchet, Clank and Talwyan prepare for the devils to strike, suddenly one of the devils destroy the train they are on as they are separated as Talwyn lands on ground surface as Ratchet is using the grind rails and they look around as they look around as a giant a building is collapsing and they jump rail to rail and make it to safety but it isn't long as this explosion destroys the rail like it was rigged with a bomb as they go down with a halo jump and they are in the middle of rush hour traffic as they make it to the ground as Clank uses the helicopter pack and then Ratchet turns around with his Wrench out ready to fight as he sees devils behind him and summons as the minion says " is ready to exercise!" as it starts shooting down the devils as Ratchet activates the Electric Shield pulls out the Sheepinator as he turns the devils into sheep as they were flying with horns and ran his way through the city leaving nothing but sheep in his path.

After Ratchet and Clank fight their way the Planetary Defense Centre he contacts Talwyn "Talwyn come in are you there?" he says as he uses his communicator "I'm in almost on my way to the Defense Centre, these things are giving me trouble" she answers as there is numerous amounts of gunfire heard through on her end. Ratchet and Clank then finds out Qwark where he has been hiding out in case the devils had come near him. When Ratchet finds Qwark has his Blaster ray smoking from taking care of the satanic minions but then when they meet him they find him completely unharmed (as normally he's too washed up for ground combat and is good at space dogfights). "Ratchet? Clank! There you two are we have quite a huge invasion FAR BIGGER than the nethers when they attacked us, we had no idea what was happening until I saw the news!" Qwark said, Ratchet had an idea and said "We need extra help! We have to contact Pollyx" as they need to find contact him and go to the dimension and fix all this otherwise devils will run aimlessly throughout the Solanna and Polaris Galaxy, "Lets exit Kerwan we have to get the Dimmensionator ready and find assistance on our journey to the negative dimension from where these monstrosities came from." as Clank explained, "Clank is right! We mustn't stay here have to send these creatures back from where they were sent!" Qwark said as he ended up with a pie in his face out of nowhere again. Ratchet, Clank and Qwark fight their way through the demonic hordes they hear a scream "Aaugh! Back away! You bloodsucking, unholy monsters from the great beyond!" as she is shooting each of them, the trio find Talwyn pinned down by devil commandos as they're are too numerous as Ratchet tosses a Groovatron and then yells "Talwyn run!" as she runs for Ratchet and they all escape the army before they gather their attention on the group.

When they escape from Kerwan they are on their next destination they contact Pollyx the scientist who was a former villain in the Previous Future series of Ratchet & Clank Planet Terachnos in the lab where Pollyx explains where these explains where the devils came from. "I'm sorry I cannot help you here." Pollyx said as he said as he needs to fix up the Dimmensionator "These vile creatures will possess anybody who is asleep and do not ever do that as what the broadcast said. You'll also need the assistance of... the Prog twins" as Ratchet said "Great an old enemy who helps us after they killed our two friends of mine and Talwyn's" as Talwyn was in sadness as she agrees to have them help the group, after Ratchet gets a pie tossed in his face as their was laughter of an audience out of nowhere (because for the sake of it). Pollyx says "These monsters are called Satonians and I will search up more data later about them and you better go down to the prison where the Prog Twins are being held they have more information, not very many people know what they are, be sure to stay awake as they will possess you when they are asleep!" Qwark runs away screaming for mommy like he is a 5 yr old discovering monsters in his closet as he is hiding under the table sucking his thumb as everyone looked at him dismayed, unamused and unimpressed (as he wat because e as he was screaming as he didn't want to go to bed and now ).


	5. A Strange Alliance

Qwark Goes to Hell

Chapter 5: A Strange Alliance

As Ratchet and Clank make it to the prison area where Vendra and Neftin Prog are as they have a talk but before they do they meet the Plumber fixing something "Oh there you two are... What the heck are you two doing here?" the Plumber says "Sir we are here to-" Clank says "Speak to the Prog Twins? Well here you go! All fixed up" the Plumber says after fixing a leaking pipe. "Well catch you boys later." Said the Plumber as he walks off to do some more plumbing duties.

"Never thought I'd see the same Lombax again" Neftin said as Vendra looked at the duo as she is wondering what they are doing here. "What's in it for us?" Vendra said as she was wondering why Ratchet wanted to aid them, "Do you see those demonic beings? Its like this, it said don't fall asleep otherwise you'll end up possessed." Ratchet said as Vendra then knew what they were and explained "I know of these creatures, they were rivals of the Nethers as they were battling over one another's dimension! They are Satonians as they are from Hellgonia and now they are free and ending up wanting to destroy! And when I was a child I wanted to team with me and stop the Devils that roam, but instead that friend of mine turned on me" *as it shows a flashback of where Vendra was at the orphanage on that abandoned planet and she ends up with a pie tossed in her face*. As the Progg twins agreed with with Ratchet and Clank they show themselves to be more heroic this time by fighting the space devils (Satonians).

As Ratchet and Clank with the Prog Twins go back to Pollyx's lab they find that the Terachnoid scientists have fixed up the transportation device, as they prepare the Dimmensionator for their next destination: Hellgonia. And when the giant portal shows up they hear crazy ass voices as they started talking in reversed. Then when they jumped into the portal Vendra, Neftin, Talwyn, Ratchet, Clank and Qwark! Everybody was falling and screaming as they ended up sucked into vortexes as they are on different floors as Qwark was alone on the FIRST floor, Vendra and Neftin are on the third floor and Ratchet, Clank and Talwyn are on the fifth floor! They are in different dimensions of this hell dumbfounded the heroes must find a way to reunite themselves with each other.


	6. Qwark and the Heroes go to Hell

Qwark goes to Hell

Chapter 6: Qwark and the Heroes go to Hell

As the heroes make their way in hell Qwark is in this Hell he finds himself where he sees Klunk's (Clank's evil twin) heads dead as they are on the ground as they are just unhappy and dead where,(Clank's evil twin) heads dead as they are on the ground as they are just unhappy and dead where, there was lake of red water and there was decapitated heads pouring out water as they resembled Chairmen Drek's and there was statues of the Thugs 4 Less Leader's likeness as they were corpse like looking. Qwark scared and but holding up his blaster was looking for what was the problem but unfortunately he finds Tyrranoid demons as they had wings and fangs as they were trying to kill him but he blasts them to bits and kicks them until he encounters Momma Tyrranoid! (the same GIANT Tyrranoid Ratchet had killed) as it tries to kill Qwark, Qwark shoots the big Momma Tyrranoid as his head was turned away and he missed every shot but Momma Tyrranoid steps towards Qwark but she steps on a crack as she creates a hole and falls into the abyss to her death. As Qwark looked around he hears screaming as he smiles in triumph (but the screaming was Momma Tyrranoid screaming to her death falling into the pit below). "Now how am I suppose to get across the area? Where is Ratchet, Clank and ?" he said as he scratches his head.

Meanwhile Ratchet, Clank and Talwyn were being contacted by Qwark screaming for help, but they were in a similar place where Qwark was as they are ambushed by demons as they were Blarg soldiers and Ratchet takes out his Sonic Eruptor and then when he uses the mutated bazooka it charged up and then belches as the soldiers went flying away and as Clank helps him by tossing out time bombs and slowing them down, more show up as Talwyn uses a Morph-O-Ray and turn them into chicken as Ratchet uses and the little robot says "You dare hurt measly fur ball!?" as protects Ratchet from any incoming enemies that come by Ratchet's way as he takes his Sonic Eruptor and the gun keeps burping at the enemies and blasts them away as it says " hates chicken! He only wants them dead!" as its also chuckling killing off the wave of demons as Ratchet is encountering waves like he does in the arena challenge and won. Suddenly out of nowhere this 5 headed giant robot shows up as it is... SUPER GIANT KLUNK. Super Giant Klunk appears as more armored and durable than Giant Klunk was when Ratchet battled him on Metropolis (in Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal) but Ratchet and Talwyn are no match for the monstrosity. "Stand back" as Clank turned into Giant Clank (suddenly) as Giant Clank is almost a match but Giant Klunk is times ten his size and blasts him but Giant Clank does all he can but he has met his match as Giant Clunk is flung across the area as he was like a kid being tossed away by a grown man and then a trash can is knocked over as Giant Clank is reverted back into Clank and then returns to Ratchet as Ratchet yells "RUN!" as Ratchet runs and Clank uses the heli-pack and Talwyn uses her jet boots and Super Giant Klunk is slowly approaching to their position where he is destroying the ground like a gorilla in with a tantrum, then Super Giant Klunk takes out his atomic blast as he is destroying everything in sight as he amazingly misses Talwyn, Clank and Ratchet. As the heroes still run for their lives Super Giant Klunk is using machine gun missiles and slowly moves towards their position and Ratchet, Clank and Talwyn manage to evade him as they jump over a trashcan (the same one Clank knocked into) and then was spotted a banana peel as Super Giant Klunk slowly walks over and slips on it and is flung into the air like a bugger being flung off a finger and then falls to the ground and sent flying into the abyss and then dies. The heroes do not escape it as the ground is crumbling beneath their feet and they fall down the abyss, "Lazy fur ball get up and fight!" as the Mr Zurkon said as they are about to fall to a ground.

Meanwhile on the Prog Twins part, Neftin and Vendra are lost in a mad matrix-like dimension where there are nothing but there 666 instead of the usual 1's and 0's but they are lost as they kept leading to places that lead to nowhere and wherever they are they could't even find themselves anywhere like hamsters stuck in mazes but when they were still stuck they found a door a strange mysterious door. "Where do you suppose this door leads us to?" Neftin said "We have to find out" Vendra said as she opens the door as it lead to a bridge as it wasn't water over it, instead it was lava and volcanoes with fire! Not only there was fire there was the Space Pirates in hell as they were yelling obscenities and fighting each other for all eternity and they were ships battling each other like a board game. And where they walked the bridge they opened the door as it lead to not only more matrix insanity but a river of red water with volcanoes spouting red water as it was raining Tyrranoids forever falling to their death and dismembered eyeless heads of Gleeman Vox breathing green bass clouds. Neftin and Vendra crossed the bridge like that level from the first Crash Bandicoot game (but this isn't a Crash Bandicoot fanfic) and make it to the next door. Vendra hears tortured souls screaming eternally in reversed and voices saying "GO TO DOOR NUMBER 1" in reversed "So how long until we meet the others?" Neftin said curiously "We have to cross this final door, so when we meet the others I am unsure" the Prog twins opened the last door and the final bridge to cross is where they are in a GIANT black void of nothingness as it was just nothing to be found and they cross the bridge carefully as the two crossed the bridge as they didn't want to look down because it would be an entirely LONG fall. When they crossed the final bridge they come across an elevator that takes them upwards to an elevator as they are meeting up with Qwark as he was fighting a whole bunch of Tyrranoids bare handed and left nothing but demon Tyrranoid carcasses in his wake as he smiled in triumph. "Neftin? Vendra! There you two are! Where have you been? Have you seen Ratchet, Clank and Talwyn?" said Qwark to the Prog Twins as coincidently Talwyn, Clank and Ratchet are falling and screaming and they are on the ground next to Qwark behind them. "Well most certainly unpleasant!" Clank said as he shook his head disgruntled. They looked around at the area and found the whole place in chaos and everywhere was in flames. "Well we have to find out who caused this and why they did this!" Ratchet said "Yes but how else are we going to get out?" Talwyn said "I know what we must DO troops! We go in storm the area as soon as any demon entity surrounds us! Onward to victory!" Qwark said "Yeah I get the feeling SOMEBODY is messing with us and its NOT funny." Neftin said as he got a pie tossed at his face out of nowhere as there is laughter in the audience, he ends up annoyed. After the heroes are reunited with each other as they walked to their next destination to defeat each minion and find whoever is causing this.


	7. Battle of the Rhythm

Qwark Goes to Hell

Chapter 7: Battle of the Rhythm

As the heroes make it on their way to their destination they see large monitor screens with Courtney Gears' videos of her dancing and newer music videos but she actually sucks, suddenly encounter a group of breakdancing Tyrranoids that refuse to let them pass. As the demon Tyrranoids challenge the heroes to a dance duel to a make their way through, but when they do the Tyrranoids they use Groovatrons on each other as they are in dance dance battles. As Clank dances against a Tyrranoid as they are dancing off to a Disco La Bamba by Antonia Rodriguez. Then another Tyrranoid uses a Groovaron as Ratchet and Talwyn are in a nightclub esqe area effect and dance in a tango to remix of 'It Don't Mean a Thing' by Tony Bennett & Lady GaGa. Next up Neftin dances to PSY - Gangnam Style against a large Tyrranoid with four eyes and Vendra is in a crowd of Tyrranoids are cheering and she is dancing to Brittany Spears' Oops I did it Again song (I don't honestly know the name of this song) as she syncs in with it and dances to it flawlessly as now it is all up to Qwark.

Three medium sized Tyrranoids dance to Monochrome Effect by Perfume as they breakdance and as there is a lot of laser action. Qwark has no idea what to do and he looks like he is scared but he has no idea what act to put up next but he has an idea as he then dances to Feels Good Inc. by Gorillaz and syncs up and mimics everything from the music video and not only that he also puts on another act: Vitamin Love by Yuko Ogura as he dresses up and dances like the Japanese girl from the music video and starts mimicking her dancing skills and then the Tyrranoids was cheering in the crowd as it was like a concert while Talwyn was looking at the performance happily, Vendra had her arms folded as she looked at the stage with a bit of a smirk, Neftin was just looking away unamused, Clank shook his head as he was unimpressed with his hand on his head as he can't believe Qwark did that and wish he didn't see that, as he was also on Ratchet's back and Ratchet was looking at his performance confused and unamused from what Qwark just did.

Finally the results come in and the heroes get positive scores 10! As they finally pass through as the breakdancing Tyrranoids were defeated as nobody had such good rhythm and dancing skill. "Well that was just quite a fun dance time... We danced the night away! Mmmmheheheheheheh" Clank said (as I cannot type in that laugh he has because its hard to type in as its not easy) as he ends up with a pie tossed in his face as audience laughter came out of nowhere. Clank then finds this illogical and unnecessary where all these pies kept coming from as it was not funny. "We are on our final destination it must be located in that immense tower!" Clank said pointing to the tower as they had to cross the bridge over. "Clank is right! We have to go on our final destination! Find the big boss responsible for this!" Qwark said as the heroes crossed the bridge.


	8. Hell and Hell Up your Arsenal

Qwark Goes to Hell

Chapter 8: Hell and Hell... Up your Arsenal

As soon as they arrive they are at the area where they meet the Thugs-4-Less Leader guarding the area "What are you's all doing here!?" he says angrily demanding what they are doing here, "We came here to find the person who is responsible for this unholy invasion!" Ratchet said, "Well why didn't you's say so, well I'll let's ya pass for an amount of 300 bolts!" as Ratchet reluctantly gave the Thugs-4-Less Leader the bolts "Well that'll do it, I still ain't forgiving you's after you splattered my helicopter 500 feet to the ground and made me go down in a giant mech!" as the heroes pass they make their way into into the office of where the souls were banished for eternity and they make it into the office as they soon as they make their way in they find ! "Nefarious!? I should have known you were behind this!" Qwark said angrily, "What? I'm not, but this invasion is something I would have done, but nope I was reduced down to a secretary!" said as he wish he could have gone to Hellgonia and started this whole invasion, "If you're not responsible for this who is?" Qwark said "Well idiot, just check again, but you haven't been down here too long, but I'll call you in." Nefarious said as the intercom said "Attention Captain Qwark, Ratchet Clank, Talwyn, Vendra and Neftin Prog report to the office!" as they went to the office. As their final destination they meet the big boss responsible for all the villainy "Alright you show yourself you coward and face my muscles!" As the big boss was in a huge chair behind them the voice was familiar "Took you fools long enough... Hmmmhhmmmhmmm", "Wait... It cannot be! Who are you?" Qwark said "You seriously don't remember you ludicrous, dunderheaded buffoon?" said the mysterious boss behind the chair " !? I should have known you were behind all these mishaps and wrongdoings!" Qwark demanded "Are you really THIS stupid? Nefarious was outside" the boss said "I'm outside the freaking office you mediocre dunce!" said offscreen "Wait I thought that Nefarious was an entity outside like every other of these tortured souls" Qwark said confused as the others were behind Qwark shaking their heads "Well you're confused. As you know this was all caused by me as all the Satonians and the tortured souls would worship me as the greatest villains ever as all the Lombaxes were all turned tail and ran away and I needed extra Zoni power for all the time I needed to plan all this... Muhuhuhahahahaahahahaahaaa!" Said the big boss "Wait you're-" Talwyn said as the big boss was as he said as he turned his chair "EMPEROR PERCIVAL TACHYON! AHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHHAAHAHA" as he said as a lightning effect cam out as there was the flames of hell as which caused Qwark to jump and land on Neftin as he catches him out of the air and he just put him down on the ground.

"This makes no sense! How can this BE!? I wouldn't have KNOWN you were behind this all!" Vendra said as she was upset as she didn't know Tachyon was behind it all as she got a pie thrown at her head from out of nowhere as there was laughter in an audience. "Not very obvious, those fools don't even know I was behind it all as I was the one who planned the invasion as when people are all in a deep slumber I can have my minions possess them and then dominate all lifeforms on this galaxy! Next is the Bogon Galaxy as the Polaris Galaxy! Hahahaahaa!" Tachyon said "So that explains why these pies are coming out of nowhere" Qwark said "No I didn't plan that I don't know who keeps doing that." Tachyon said as he got pied in the head as laughter from an unfamiliar audience kept playing as he got furious "Nope but its quite annoying and its not even the1920's or the 50's anymore as it would have been funny if it was that decade" Talwyn said "Well that is unfortunate" Tachyon said "Yep" Ratchet said "But anyway as I schemed I was there getting ready to get my revenge against YOU Apogee, you robot being, you... you pathetic excuse of a so called SUPERHERO... Especially YOU Lombax!... And maybe you two too Nethers... now time for you to prepare yourselves for you demise as when ALL the villains fell and now the villains in this dimension will triumph as they will try again and rule these galaxies!" Tachyon said as he used a wormhole that sucked in all the heroes Qwark, Talwyn, Neftin, Vendra, Clank and Ratchet! Dumbfounded they were on a desert island stranded in the middle of nowhere surrounded by molten lava and volcanoes as suddenly Tachyon appeared in a giant robot which was like a combination of Drek's and his Throne robot thing he had in Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction "This volcanic gorge shall be your tomb! Prepare to be cremated! Muhuhuhahahahaahahahahahaaa! He laughed with excitement. The heroes prepared for a final battle.


	9. Final Destination: Boss Fight

Qwark Goes to Hell

Chapter 9: Final Destination: Boss Fight

Tachyon in his giant mech goes to finish off his enemies as Neftin takes out his mace and Vendra uses her powers preparing to do some damage to him but he knocks Neftin out of the way as he wants to take down Talwyn and Ratchet "Ready Tal" Ratchet said "Yes Ratchet" said Talwyn as Ratchet grabs his Plasma Striker and Mr Zurkon as it said "Mr Zurkon has returned!" as Talwyn got out the Glove of Doom as she also used the Bouncer. Tachyon then summons Cragmite soldiers to aid him as Mr Zurkon took care of them "When you die you will remember Mr Zurkon in the afterlife!" Ratchet aimed his Plasma Striker at the weak points of Tachyon's mech as he aims for the machine gun hands and the legs as he shoots at them weakening them as the kamikaze Glove of Doom minions attack the legs and act as Sythenoids for Talwyn and rendered the legs of the giant mech useless as it gave her an opportunity to use her Bouncer and blast the legs to pieces as there was a few Bouncer balls as they explode into more bouncing explosive balls as then the legs were into the ground.

"Drat! Lets see you dodge this!" as Tachyon said takes out machine gun missile launchers as it shot at Talwyn "LOOK OUT!" Ratchet screamed as Clank threw Time Bombs at the incoming missiles giving her time to escape. Vendra was blasting the robot mech with projectiles and using the missiles that shot at her and deflect them back at Tachyon's mech, "Why you little bi-" as he fires and energy beam at Vendra injuring her. "No! nobody hurts my sister! EVER!" Neftin screams as Tachyon shoots more machine gun bullets at Neftin but had no effect on the hulking behemoth as he takes out his Giant Electric mace to smack the robot as it renders its controls useless shocking Tachyon "Oww! Ouch! Why you... You broke my mech do you know how much it took me to make this thing!?" He yells in anger at Neftin. "Qwark you're up!" Ratchet said as Qwark brandishes his Blaster but had no more ammo left "Darn thing! Must be jammed... Darn it" Qwark said as he wanted to blast it to the further infernos "What's the matter "Superhero"? Forgot your ammo home?" Tachyon taunted Qwark as he glared at the Cragmite as he sent out more Cragmite Warriors and Brutes as Qwark wanted to cry for mommy but toughened up used his strength and used his fists and body slammed each of them. "Well look at that the idiot can fight." Said Tachyon as he was impressed and brought out a remote as he took in repair drones as they not only repaired his robot it made it ten times stronger. Qwark was in for it now as his Blaster was empty and "Qwark use this and don't waste it!" Talwyn said as she gave him ammo for his Blaster as Qwark uses his Blaster on Tachyon's mech but has no effect whatsoever as its armor was impenetrable, "I COULD use some more ammo!" Qwark said "That thing is invulnerable to your blaster! You're going to need heavier firepower!" Ratchet said and Talwyn held on to him as fearing she was going to not make it out of this alive as Neftin had an idea "Here take this!" As he hands Qwark a RYNO V (Rip Ya a New One part FIVE) as it was fully upgraded and super-powered up "Time to rip you a new one, then get some wine Qwark the cheese! As he got a pie tossed at him out of nowhere and he wiped it out his face.

"Ratchet if we don't make it out of this alive..." Talwyn said "Yes Tal" Ratchet said "I want to let you know that on all of our adventures after the times we met I want to let you know I lo..." Talwyn said as her last sentence was cut off by Qwarks SUPER RYNO V gunfire as it played the 1812 Overture and everyone shut their ears because how loud it was as it was tearing apart of Tachyon's Mech and it also tore apart his kingdom and there was pieces of suit falling into the lava as the gunfire and music was heard throughout hell as Tachyone fell flat on his face hurt. "Owww! You thought you could kill me?! I have a backup plan here! Heheheheheahahahaha..." As he pulls a remote out of his pocket and it teleports a newer stronger mecha suit and more Cragmite solier as an armada was heading their way as Ratchet and Talwyn were holding hands as Clank looked away praying as Qwark was ready to have extra Super RYNO V ammo for this or a heavy load of RYNO Vs.

Suddenly Super Giant Klunk (who was sort of defeated earlier) falls on his feet in the lava and on the Cragmite armada and falls on Tachyon's Super Giant Mecha Suit face first and smashes it to pieces "No! Aaugh! Son of a bi-" Tachyon screams as a Momma Tyrranoid was also falling and gets killed on top of Super Giant Klunk. Tachyon screamed and and screamed as he got punched in the face by Qwark and was defeated. "All in a days work people... Wait where's Vendra?" Qwark said in triumph as she appeared behind him as the real leader of the Satonians and the hell realm was with Vendra. "This is the real ruler of Hellgonia Tachyon had him locked up in a closet the entire time" Vendra said "I am King Lucifix! Lord of the Satonians. And time I call my minions back home as they are back under my control. Well it is time I restore this place after we get out of here because after the shenanigans you had gone through we have to get out of here!" As King Lucifix teleports everyone out of the hell as Qwark was left by himself.


	10. Qwark Escapes from Hell

Qwark Goes to Hell  
Chapter 10: Qwark Escapes from Hell

As Qwark was left by himself on the desert island that was nothing but lava and volcanoes "Hello anybody?! Hello! Ratchet...Clank... Helga... ANYONE!?" Qwark screamed for help as the island of hell was flooding with Lava as he was contacted by King Lucifix "Qwark are you still alive? If you are you are going to have to run away! The shenanigans that have been caused are causing the hell to crumble beneath you and is causing a strong rift that will tear you apart! Run for your soul Qwark!"

As Qwark couldn't outrun and outfight the rift that was swallowing up the rest of everything down the infernos of the surface as everything was out of control and creating a lava tsunami but he found a remains of an old ship that was destroyed as he flew away from it as he blasted through some debris as he almost was swallowed up by it as he jumped into a portal, Qwark was transported into another area as it had decapitated heads of Gleeman Vox created green gas breath as he uses the Pyrociter on it as it breathed fire and shot at the floating pipe vent (or whatever it was) as it made a steam breeze and it made him float upward as he fought through each of the tortured souls of the Thugs he then jumps into another rift as he is forced to jump into another rift as he goes into another paradox that nearly swallows him up as Qwark jumps into another portal and forces to have him cross a bridge as he sees a of a giant three headed statue of Courtney Gears as he runs through the bridge as there is nothing as there was falling Reapors (minions from Ratchet Deadlocked if you don't know) as their souls were forced to fall forever and never stop, Qwark runs across the bridge as he makes it into the mouth of the statue which has a rift and then ends up free falling for his life as he is suddenly ambushed by a hellhound paradox of 666's, hellfire and souls of common enemies from the Ratchet & Clank games as he is nearly swallowed up but he manages to escape through the portal as he goes in fist first faster than a bullet out of a gun and makes it into nowhere land. As when Qwark is stuck in nowhere he has nowhere to go "Where the heck to I go?"

Qwark said as he found a door as he opens it as gets sucked into another dimension as he finds a giant area of nowhere as he is found screaming as there are nothing but rifts as he doesn't know which one to go through or else he'll get sucked in by the paradox as he is catcher by a giant demonic hand and sucked up by a rift as he is saved by King Lucifix. "Whew thought I was a goner!" Qwark was back with Ratchet, Clank, Neftin and Vendra including Kind Lucifix.


	11. Happy and Silly Endings

Qwark Goes to Hell

Final Chapter: Happy and Silly Endings

As Metropolis was devil free, everywhere was free of Tachyon's tyranny and invasions King Lucifix is back in control of Helgonia! "Now that Hellgonia is back to normal, we will be back to making sure the villains of the worst will suffer... Especially TACHYON" King Lucifix said "I hope I am out too." Nefarious said "No you are staying!" King Lucifix said "LAWRENCE!" Nefarious screamed for his butler but he was busy making dinner "Sorry sir but did you call? I was preparing dinner for our new king." Lawrence said "Get us our of here! NOW!" Nefarious said as Lawrence as he was in the escape ship as he left without Nefarious "What!? Where are you going!? This isn't funny!" Nefarious screamed infuriated "Sorry sir" Lawrence said as his accomplice teleported the robotic evil scientist into the escape ship and Lawrence and Nefarious escaped Hell and went back to their secret lab and plotted more evil plans as they were still at large.

As they were all out of Hellgonia back into Pollyx's lab as King Lucifix thanks Ratchet and Clank especially Qwark for restoring Hellgonia back to its original state and no longer under Tachyon's rule. "I don't suppose the Dimmensionator still works... Eh Clank?" Ratchet said "I think there is a slim chance that you can still search for the Lombaxes Ratchet" Clank says "Well I don't think its possible much but there is a possibility." Talwyn says. As King Lucifix shows Ratchet and Talwyn a future as he says "Nope but this is a possibility! Take a look at this" as he shows a future of Talwyn being pregnant as Talwyn has an embarrassed look on her face as her cheeks turn pinker than cherries as Ratchet is silenced with his mouth wide open...

"What?!" Talwyn screams embarrassed "Gotcha!" King Lucifix trolled her and plays the Trololo song on Ratchet and Talwyn. As Clank, Qwark and Neftin are laughing as Qwark says "You gotta admit that is funny" while Talwyn gets so angry she yells "What the f-" before she finishes her sentence as she gets pied in the face and audience of laughter is out of nowhere and the pie falls out of her face as Talwyn yells "WHO KEEPS DOING THAT?!" as it turns out it was Cronk and Zephyr tossing pies and laughing at them as they had an audience of the afterlife. "So that's where all that laughing came from should have known that there." Qwark said "That is right, we have been keeping people happy in the afterlife" as the ghostly old Warbots are busy entertaining Cronk and Zephyr are there entertaining Alister Azimuth, Kaiden (Ratchet's father) and Ratchet's Mother, Max Apogee, Cassiopeia, Carina, Libra, Flint Vorselon, Eviscerator, Shellshock, Reactor, Starshield and all the other undead ghostly Space Pirates from the Ratchet & Clank Future series. "Good job Rookie for keeping Miss Apogee safe her father here is proud like your parents are, I wish we were still alive to see it." Cronk said "And you sure got us" Ratchet said as Talwyn hugged him as everyone (except the villains in the afterlife) saw how romantic it was and went "Aww..." and Vendra saw it, the look on looked like she had sucked a lemon but much to her dismay she gets a pie tossed in her face and everyone ends up laughing "Can't heath the classics Vendra" Neftin said chuckling.

Ratchet held Talwyn's hand as they walked away back to Aphelion going back to Pokitraru on their vacation as Clank joined them along side "Well our heroes had a big adventures and went through so many unholy shenanigans as everything everything is all back to normal." Qwark says (offscreen as if he was reading a story to the audience who is reading this story) as it doesn't end here yet.

Meanwhile back on the desert island in the far infernos on the desert island surrounded by nothing but lava Tachyon is stranded. "This isn't the last you'll see of me! You hear me?! Emperor Percival Tachyon will return!" Tachyon vowed his vengeance (which won't ever happen -_-) as suddenly a giant paradox Qwark escaped from swallowed Tachyon as he was screaming as it ate him as it made a burp sound.

Final ending back at Qwark's apartment the pizza guy appears and then is waiting as he is ringing the doorbell "Hello... Pizza here for Captain Qwark... Hello" the pizza boy said as he ends up with a pie tossed in his face as Cronk and Zephyr along with their ghostly audience are laughing at the pizza boy getting pied in the face "Aw come on that is just SO classic" the Pizza boy said as it ends.

The end...


End file.
